Friday, July 8, 2016

Is it Dumb?

All right ladies, tell me is this sounds familiar. You cook dinner and place the dishes in the sink thinking that your husband will start doing them after eating, but instead he grabs a beer from the fridge and goes to watch whatever sports game is on T.V. (Since we live in the bay area, there happens to be a lot of amazing teams that my husband HAS to watch.) He says he will do them tomorrow because he has had such a long day at work, like your day at home with the kids wasn't long, and he just needs time to relax. That leaves you with a choice, either you do them or leave them dirty in the sink. Of course, you get stuck doing them because you can't stand a dirty kitchen, or maybe you need your sink to give your baby a bath, something your husband still hasn't ever done.

Or here's another walk in front of your husband with the laundry basket full dirty clothes and then walk back in front of him with the same basket full of clean clothes that you just took out of the dryer on your way to fold them. You know he saw you. He must have seen you, I mean you walked right in front of him. He just continues to sit on the couch relaxing while your fold the clothes and put them away. You think to yourself, "Am I his mother?" And wishing that she would have taught her son how to do laundry instead of expecting it to be done and miraculously find clean clothes in drawers.

I was at baseball practice talking to one of the other moms. To give my husband credit where credit is due, he was my son's coach. I know he will continue to be there for our children when they need coaches or scout leaders. He is all in! Back to my conversation, the mom was telling me about the previous weekend when my husband and her husband had taken the kids to play in the park after practice. I guess I need to also explain that this particular Saturday was also our daughters Christening. She was saying that she had gone over to my husband and was like, "umm, don't you have a baptism to get ready for?" Now, I had not gone to practice because I was running around getting everything set up for the baptism. I had dropped off all the food with my sister-in-law and gone up to get the cake that I had ordered from a local mom. Helping me out with the Baptism was not really on my husband's mind I guess because he goes, "My wife does all the planning. I just have to get ready." Never mind that our son also needs to get ready, which would include a shower or bath seeing as he was out in the hot sun playing baseball. I had honestly thought that he would rush home to help get our son ready so there would be no rushing around. Obviously that did not happen and we were the last family to arrive. How embarrassing? This story was just another to add to the books, so it did not floor me the way her next comment did. She said something about her husband being the same way and told a story, and then she said, "My son will be lucky because he will find some dumb bitch like me to do everything for him." My mouth dropped open. I honestly didn't know what to say.

Then I started to think, "Shit, am I a dumb bitch?" I mean I graduated college with a 3.8 in my major. I went on the get my teaching credential and have worked really hard to be a great teacher. So, I know I am not dumb, but I do sometimes allow my husband to be my third child instead of making him step up. I have known him for 12 years, so I knew what I was getting into, but is that just the excuse I give when he is not pulling his weight around the house? Was it dumb of me to think that things would be split evenly? Did I really think that chores would be tackled together as a team? Was it dumb to think that the cleanliness of our house would be of equal importance to the both of us and that procrastination was left behind in college? Was it dumb to think that my husband would be more proactive with the second child because he knows what to do now? With this list of questions running through my head, I realized that maybe I was dumb for having certain expectations.

What do you think ladies? Does this sound familiar and what do you do about it?

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